Music is Strange: an analysis of "Mrs. Robinson"

I still don't have anything to review, but I've been bothered by something. I heard the song Mrs. Robinson on the radio recently. After listening carefully, I noticed some oddities. Here are my findings.

(listen along with the weirdness!)

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
How nice of these people to say so! Surely they mean well.
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
Little weird to talk about the afterlife to a living woman, but eh, we'll roll with it.


We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
Wait, what?
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself
This is sounding less pleasant by the second. What's wrong with dear Mrs. Robinson, and why can't she fix it?
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home
Oh goodness.


Question. What do you call places where you'll find sick people that can't help themselves roaming the "grounds"?


Answer: Insane asylums.

Welcome to hell.

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
Doesn't seem as nice now, does it?
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
The people watching her are expecting her to die! What kind of sanitarium is this?

oh my dear sweet lord no next verse


Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
It? What is "it"? Drugs? Booze? A gun? Her diary? Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
THIS ANSWERS NOTHING YOU HAPPY BASTARDS
It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair
Huh. I doubt it's a marital affair. I mean, clearly she knows about it, and you can't really hide that sort of thing too easily. Unless...
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids
My god, she killed him. Mr. Robinson had an affair and the missus went Dolores Claiborne on his ass. Not only that, but there's some kind of proof and it was hidden in the house! Clearly she didn't hide it well enough though, or she wouldn't be in the happy house.


Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
Coo coo ca-fuck you, you sadists.


Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Don't play innocent, Mrs. Robinson. You know what you did.
Going to the candidates debate
Huh?
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Wait, was she bragging about what she did in a public place? Did she succumb to the guilt and yell it to the world at a fucking political rally? What is with this woman?
Ev'ry way you look at it, you lose

Man, this is absolutely nutters. Hopefully the last verse will make some sense of this, because honestly I don't know what to think anymore. Who's helping who? Is Mrs. Robinson sane? Are the orderlies sane? Is ANYONE sane that was involved in this song?


Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey) 

Joe DiMaggio. Professional baseball player for the Yankees from 1936-1951. Nicknamed "Joltin' Joe".


Connection?